Architecture

i'm in love with architecture and it's orbit.
i'm in love with the art of architecture.

     bisa dibilang menjadi seorang arsitek adalah sesuatu yang sudah aku damba-dambakan sejak kecil. i dreamed about the atmosphere, about how cool i can dedicate myself to designing a home life for everyone else. i fckn in love with this art-of-science, u can't understand how much i want to get involved on this.

but imma tell u one fact that actually i'm a civil engineering student. ha-ha.

"..."

     ceritanya panjang jadi ga mau nyeritain juga karena kalian pasti juga masa bodo. fyi masuk teknik sipil malah membuatku semakin cinta pada arsitektur. disini sebagai orang sipil kita berusaha merealisasikan apa yang didesain seorang arsitek. so, we also learn some of what they learned too.

kalau aku tanya kalian,

what do u think about these urban project? 

how can they made it?

    aku pernah bertanya seperti itu pada seorang teman atau bisa kita sebut orang awam. dia jawab :

"ya bisa aja." 

"tinggal dibikin aja."  dsb.

     disaat orang lain yang (mungkin) memang kagum tapi masa bodo, aku selalu ingin tahu. kok bisa sih? apa nggak stuck tuh yang bikin- ngitung skala belum lagi material dan pondasinya kenapa bisa bakoh ngangkat beban segitu? kenapa mereka bisa berimajinasi sekeren ini? c'mon ofc this is not easy. they designing it as perfect as well. they carculate it every inches even every milli. ibaratnya, bagi kami, sepuluh angka dibelakang koma pun sangat berarti.

menara petronas aja pondasinya seperempat lebih dari tingginya.
ga kebayang gimana bikin pondasi bangunan tertinggi Burj Khalifa.

     aku selalu ingin terjun ke dunia arsitektur. aku sangat haus akan pertanyaan-pertanyaan tentang bagimana, bagaimana dan bagaimana. tapi bagaimanapun juga, aku nggak merasa sepenuhnya salah jurusan. teknik sipil sama menariknya dengan arsitektur. hanya saja, aku kurang puas.  mungkin karena passionku mendesain, aku lebih tertarik menjadi pen-desain daripada perealisasi atau perencana.

     udah ah sekian lagi gamau banyak bacot.

     c u next post!

     He-he.

      

Don't read

Hey, long time no post. 
it's already 2 years since the last post.

i become a little busier and fyi i always feel uneasy and a little depressed. just a little rite, not too seriously. after two years i wanted to write again, but not something like "cheerful" things as usual. but don't worry, just on this post, just once, i want to express what on my mind. about my feelings, my heart. my stubborn heart. so, i warn you, this is a-very-useless-thing and you will get bored if you read this.

"A broken heart bleeds tears." - Steve Maraboli.

I always, always feel new to the grief i can't explain. but im no stranger to the heartache and the pain. sounds familiar? this Silhouette really chills me to the bone. the fire i began, always burning me alive...

"It's over yet? Will i ever feel again?"

i ask myself everytime when i was going to fall in love again. i was too scared. a brokenheart is a very terrible thing for me. 

have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? can you feel the silence? 
i had to much trusting, and fooled. as you know, i'm not that easy to trust someone. 

i let u laugh. but i write this with my deepest heart.

i won't to be alay or what, 
aku cuma pengen mencurahkan semuanya. ini bukan publikasi alay atau semacamnya, bukan karena aku tidak punya cukup teman baik untuk diajak bicara. aku cuma pengen merasakan jari-jemariku kembali menulis dan didengarkan oleh stranger. karena seseorang yang bahkan sama sekali tidak kita kenal terkadang bisa lebih mengerti. walaupun sebagian besar diantara kalian yang membaca ini bersikap masa bodo. at least, kembali menulis blog sudah cukup membuatku senang.

i have two beloved friends like Jihan & Fatul. they always support me. always give me useful advice. and a fucking insane crazy bitch- bestfriend over 7 years, Hasna. i am a stubborn, they said. i was to ignorant, a picky and selective one. and the most annoying one is..

"Aku terlalu lama menutup hati."

in fact it's not my own way. i couldn't open it by myself. i think, trying to love someone with this stubborn heart is so fucking difficult and almost make me slightly depressed. honestly, i really really want to fall in love again.

i miss the feeling like, there is a lot of butterflies flying in my stomach.
the feeling when i look into someone eyes and i see everything i need.
and the feeling of,
"i didn't choose you,
my heart did."

but as hard as i tried, the fear of the risk of fallin' love -they called it broken heart, widened. i dunno it could be called a phobia or not. wtf with my silly thoughts, maybe i just haven't been able to find the right one.

sometimes i think, is this what everyone called, karma?
in the past, i have to much hurting someone. and then, i never felt concerned. never once. i don't care about their feelings anymore, really. until one day, someone give me a fckn-massive-betrayal, and that's enough to make me realize with everything i have done.

i think...
i am so nasty.

Sorry, for everyone who have ever felt hurt by me. i don't mean. i'm a cheerful person -with everyone ofc- but you interpret it wrongly. yea, it's okay to loving someone by their physical or appearance. but i found that everyone who loves me, always love at a first sight. there are no love at a first sight, that's just a lust.

i don't like it, really. i felt uncomfortable and i need someone in my side. i need someone who can protect me but how come? even i don't know how to open my own heart. i'm not an ex or bf collector type. i don't like to messing around and i am a serious one. about love.

jatuh cinta itu adalah sesuatu yg sangat sulit aku rasakan. 
therefore, penghianatan bagiku adalah hal yang sangat kejam dan sulit dimaafkan. 

kenapa aku nulis ini karena aku udah nggak tahan lagi. berkali-kali aku deket sama seseorang, kita cocok, tapi ketika saatnya tiba, hatiku berkata tidak. even my own heart can't deal with me? 

I don't understand what i want,

sometimes i could fall in love unexpectedly. sometimes it can be so difficult.

maafkan sekelumit curhatan membosankanku.

have a nice day.